Time worries

             Today, I spent about four hours applying for summer internships knowing that half of them I am wasting my time on. I feel I have done nothing at all today, and every time I try to do something I am restricted. I am worried about getting an internship, really worried. I don't even understand what type I should be looking for because no one is advertising an entrepreneurship internship. I looked into non profits in Chicago, along with signing up for home stay programs if I get it. I am worried how I am going to do this, get all A's in my 15 credits this semester, participate in the pre law fraternity and big brothers big sisters, job shadow a local attorney, and all while studying for the LSATs. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day and I am afraid that what I am working so hard for is going to set to the side. I don't want to do my internship at the restaurant, but I might have to. I think just at this moment I am feeling overwhelmed for all the senseless work I have been doing. But I am scared.
             Who isn't scared? I want to meet you. Honestly. I want to find the person who is in the same spot as me and not worried about a thing. Not worried that what they wanted for themselves won't be achieved. Not being worried about their grades being perfect, or their resume opportunities not working out. Not being worried about their graduate program they are applying for, while also not worrying about their undergrad. I guess this is what is supposed to separate us, this moment right here. Where I sit all day and fill out all these applications, keeping in mind my law application, and keeping in mind my undergrad internship requirements. I need to realize that I don't want this life already set in front of me and that is what is supposed to drive me. I have to work hard, harder then the rest. I have to separate myself from the other hundreds just like me. I don't want to be working this hard for nothing. I don't want to just be mediocre, I want to be extraordinary.
             Putting my life in law on the back burner isn't what I want, but it might happen. I am constantly planning out the next two years, and organizing the months with the activities I have to do, and when I have to get them done by. Constant thinking is going to drive me insane this next year. I am done having it easy, its time to get into the real world of work ethic. And sadly, I feel like I worked really hard last semester. If I don't achieve my goals my life will be ruined, at least in my current mind set. If I do achieve my goals, will it be what I really want? Do I really have what it takes to do this? Can I leave every safe spot I have known my whole life and really do this? Not everyone can. I really hope I am part of the select few. The ones that will do great things in my life. Because I am sick of being praised for the things I have never worked hard for and the things that others have failed at that really aren't that hard to do. I want to really accomplish something, then I will sit back and pat myself on the back.