Lately, I have been having some thoughts. Did you ever grow up having this idea of what your future was really going to be like, really. Not the dreams when your ten of how you're going to be a vet and work with animals or be a singer. The thoughts you have when you are sixteen and sitting in your high school class thinking your life might as well just end now and no one would notice. I am not depressed or hoping anything drastic will happen to me as I fall asleep tonight, but I did hate high school. I have always been afraid of leaving this home I have created in my mind. The same streets I have driven on and the same people I have been talking to my how life were making my decision for me. The biggest decision of my life, the how reason why we are alive. Have you ever really realized it? Did you made your decision or your subconscious on your career choice, the school you went to, and the person you married. Do I want to live the comfortable easy life I have always known, or leave.
Currently, I want to get the hell out. Every moment of my day I spend planning my new future in some new city across the country. Michigan just isn't sparkling and calling me home like it used to. When I drive home from Central Michigan University I just don't want to stop and re-enter my old life. I just want to keep going, keep driving until I hit the ocean or run into something crazy that makes me pull over. I have been determining what I really want out of life lately, and it wasn't at all what I expected of myself. I grew up, the rich girl with the perfect life. Everyone was quick to remind me of how lucky I was and how I have so many opportunities. I have to admit, they were right. I am lucky to not have to pay for my undergrad and have no real expenses to have to save for. I am responsible and hard working, I have always been, and any money I spend on myself is from what I have earned. My father owns a restaurant, and my mother works there. I also work there, when I am home from school. I have worked there my whole life and always intended to. But, for as many people who told me I was lucky, no one ever asked me how I felt. They always assumed I was happy and couldn't wait to be rich like my father. He's not rich and works everyday of his life, that sounds like a walk in hell.
I hated my life growing up. I know what your thinking, rich girl thinks her life is hard. But really, don't judge. When your dad works everyday of his life and hates his life just as much as someone who works minimum wage and never graduated high school, you would question how money makes you feel. I hated my mom, who is still one of the most insensitive people on the planet and just doesn't realize how people want to be treated. So me being a mirror image of my parents actions didn't really help me out growing up. I never really had any real friends and felt alone everyday of my life while being constantly told to smile and be happy. I hate when people say that, I would never say that to someone. A person has the right to be unhappy and not pretend to be. I have associated these feelings of loneliness with the township I grew up in. So when I leave, I feel like a new person.
This past semester, I worked the hardest I have ever worked in school. I realized I wanted to do more then own a bar and be depressed the rest of my life like my dad. I joined a pre law fraternity and have been focusing on that. I have the grades and the work ethics to do it. And I have applied to start raising money for a nonprofit organization that I am really passionate about. But we will see.
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