Bob, Martin, LSAT

Sooo I have been at the library so five hours, doing finance homework and LSAT practice. I am throughly frustrated at my performance on the games portion. A girl that I went to high school with and goes to the same university as me got into a great school, so she says. I had no idea thats what she wanted to go into. And personally I never thought she was that smart. Maybe it was because she was on MADE that MTV show. Needless to say, she quit the show and walked off in the middle of it leaving her best friend to go to Alaska by herself....... how responsible. But I am happy for her, this is all just my personal bitterness to how hard this is going to be. I am glad she got into a good school. I just wish I could relieve some of the stress I am feeling about getting everything done. Hopefully, I can line up my internship for the summer soon. I think I am writing this to avoid looking into the logic section of my prep book.

Motivation, Part 1

The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be. I read that today. I need the strength to just get through this. I haven't heard anything from the applications I sent out. Rough. But I will wait and hopefully I will hear something, maybe on the day I really need it.  I just want these next four and a half years to fly by. And I hope I get into the one school that will make me wake up everyday and feel proud of what I did.

Time worries

             Today, I spent about four hours applying for summer internships knowing that half of them I am wasting my time on. I feel I have done nothing at all today, and every time I try to do something I am restricted. I am worried about getting an internship, really worried. I don't even understand what type I should be looking for because no one is advertising an entrepreneurship internship. I looked into non profits in Chicago, along with signing up for home stay programs if I get it. I am worried how I am going to do this, get all A's in my 15 credits this semester, participate in the pre law fraternity and big brothers big sisters, job shadow a local attorney, and all while studying for the LSATs. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day and I am afraid that what I am working so hard for is going to set to the side. I don't want to do my internship at the restaurant, but I might have to. I think just at this moment I am feeling overwhelmed for all the senseless work I have been doing. But I am scared.
             Who isn't scared? I want to meet you. Honestly. I want to find the person who is in the same spot as me and not worried about a thing. Not worried that what they wanted for themselves won't be achieved. Not being worried about their grades being perfect, or their resume opportunities not working out. Not being worried about their graduate program they are applying for, while also not worrying about their undergrad. I guess this is what is supposed to separate us, this moment right here. Where I sit all day and fill out all these applications, keeping in mind my law application, and keeping in mind my undergrad internship requirements. I need to realize that I don't want this life already set in front of me and that is what is supposed to drive me. I have to work hard, harder then the rest. I have to separate myself from the other hundreds just like me. I don't want to be working this hard for nothing. I don't want to just be mediocre, I want to be extraordinary.
             Putting my life in law on the back burner isn't what I want, but it might happen. I am constantly planning out the next two years, and organizing the months with the activities I have to do, and when I have to get them done by. Constant thinking is going to drive me insane this next year. I am done having it easy, its time to get into the real world of work ethic. And sadly, I feel like I worked really hard last semester. If I don't achieve my goals my life will be ruined, at least in my current mind set. If I do achieve my goals, will it be what I really want? Do I really have what it takes to do this? Can I leave every safe spot I have known my whole life and really do this? Not everyone can. I really hope I am part of the select few. The ones that will do great things in my life. Because I am sick of being praised for the things I have never worked hard for and the things that others have failed at that really aren't that hard to do. I want to really accomplish something, then I will sit back and pat myself on the back.

Day One, or the first try

             Lately, I have been having some thoughts. Did you ever grow up having this idea of what your future was really going to be like, really. Not the dreams when your ten of how you're going to be a vet and work with animals or be a singer. The thoughts you have when you are sixteen and sitting in your high school class thinking your life might as well just end now and no one would notice. I am not depressed or hoping anything drastic will happen to me as I fall asleep tonight, but I did hate high school. I have always been afraid of leaving this home I have created in my mind. The same streets I have driven on and the same people I have been talking to my how life were making my decision for me. The biggest decision of my life, the how reason why we are alive. Have you ever really realized it? Did you made your decision or your subconscious on your career choice, the school you went to, and the person you married. Do I want to live the comfortable easy life I have always known, or leave.
            Currently, I want to get the hell out. Every moment of my day I spend planning my new future in some new city across the country. Michigan just isn't sparkling and calling me home like it used to. When I drive home from Central Michigan University I just don't want to stop and re-enter my old life. I just want to keep going, keep driving until I hit the ocean or run into something crazy that makes me pull over. I have been determining what I really want out of life lately, and it wasn't at all what I expected of myself. I grew up, the rich girl with the perfect life. Everyone was quick to remind me of how lucky I was and how I have so many opportunities. I have to admit, they were right. I am lucky to not have to pay for my undergrad and have no real expenses to have to save for. I am responsible and hard working, I have always been, and any money I spend on myself is from what I have earned. My father owns a restaurant, and my mother works there. I also work there, when I am home from school. I have worked there my whole life and always intended to. But, for as many people who told me I was lucky, no one ever asked me how I felt. They always assumed I was happy and couldn't wait to be rich like my father. He's not rich and works everyday of his life, that sounds like a walk in hell.
           I hated my life growing up. I know what your thinking, rich girl thinks her life is hard. But really, don't judge. When your dad works everyday of his life and hates his life just as much as someone who works minimum wage and never graduated high school, you would question how money makes you feel. I hated my mom, who is still one of the most insensitive people on the planet and just doesn't realize how people want to be treated. So me being a mirror image of my parents actions didn't really help me out growing up. I never really had any real friends and felt alone everyday of my life while being constantly told to smile and be happy. I hate when people say that, I would never say that to someone. A person has the right to be unhappy and not pretend to be. I have associated these feelings of loneliness with the township I grew up in. So when I leave, I feel like a new person.
          This past semester, I worked the hardest I have ever worked in school. I realized I wanted to do more then own a bar and be depressed the rest of my life like my dad. I joined a pre law fraternity and have been focusing on that. I have the grades and the work ethics to do it. And I have applied to start raising money for a nonprofit organization that I am really passionate about. But we will see.